Where's the focus?

Focusing on the bad? That's too easy to do.

So a "friend" didn't call when she was in town, even after I asked. Lame. But really, why should I be bitter?

Focus on the good. Especially in these times, when all you have to do is drop in on any given conversation and you will hear so many bad things. Day in and day out I hear so many negative happenings with people, it goes with the job. It's pretty much my job to hear about negative thoughts. However, my job is also to help people. I'm trying more and more to fill myself with positive because day in and day out all I hear is negative. It's a constant battle.

I am so blessed.

Last week I went back to my old church down in Tucson. Man, it felt so good to be back. Been quite a while, over a couple years. I had forgotten a lot of people's names (about 500 members in the church), and some of them had forgotten mine, but a face you can't forget, and I was greeted with many many warm smiles. My little brother (who is 6) went with me. His first time every really being to church and Sunday school, boy, did he have a lot of questions, but it was so cute!

Even after hearing a rejuvenating sermon that Sunday, this week at work was my worst. I just finished up having my best week the week before, and this week was a complete flop. Every day I went out to work (door-to-door) but I found myself driving around most the day keeping myself busy with other things rather than talking to and helping people.

I finally read, "Who Moved My Cheese". That book really spoke to me and my situation. I've been fighting with myself this whole time. Trying to make the job something it isn't. I am grateful to have a job. A job where I make things happen and I am the only person responsible for my success. It's just so hard to focus on working all day, instead my mind wanders to all other places and things I could be doing, or want to be doing instead of work.

I'm 25, I don't deserve to have such a great job opportunity, and I find myself being overcome with guilt when I don't do my best. It's crazy to think of the possibilities that are out there if I just focus on helping one person at a time. Breaking down my day and having tunnel vision.

This week I'm going to work down in Bisbee, AZ. Knowing I only have this one week down there keeps me going. And really, how much time do any one of us have? Again, I can write all this down and believe and know what I should be doing, but it's one thing to talk the talk and another thing to walk the walk. (Matthew 21:28-30)

It's habit forming time and time for me to sniff out and find some cheese!

} catch(err) {}

right or wrong?

I'm curious, what causes rebellion? Why do people act out?
Why is that impulse so strong?
On the other hand, why do we do what we are "suppose to"? Not saying, lets all do bad things. But what makes us believe our parents have our best interest when they say, "no"?

I Work-why can't you?

I'm part of a wonderful company.
I'm excited for the opportunity.
I need to pass my licencing test before I can start, and I'm itching to start.


For some reason, this year has seemed very long. "They say" that when you have more going on, the year seems to go by faster, but for me, it seems as though it has been very long.
Maybe because I have done more than a person should be aloud to do within a year. I have traveled more and held different fulfilling jobs. I consider myself very fortunate to be able to determine my worth by my work effort.
Just this past week it really hit home with my how lucky I am. I am physically and mentally able to work, and I want to work. There is work out there if you are willing to sacrifice. and what a small sacrifice it is.
"There's no work" really only translates into, "there's no work I am willing to do for the sacrifice I might have to make." Might. No one really knows until they go out there and try it. Fear is between the ears.

I'm a fighter.

New and Old

New job. Old skills.
Nervous

breath

A girl can always dream, can't she?

Home

...is where I park my car. zoom zoom

Interaction

Human interaction: everyone needs it.
Everyone needs a friend.
Everyone needs companionship.
Everyone needs to feel important to some degree.

Bottom line: Everyone needs to feel loved

Post Office-too much control

Back in January of this year, I went to the post office to change my address from Arizona to New Mexico. It asked if it would be a permanent chance to a temporary one. I put permanent, just because I had no clue where I would be moving after I was done here in May. Being that I trust the girls I was living with, they said they would hold onto or mail my mail to me. However, the USPS decided to take things a step further, they went and informed every single company that I had changed my address. The next time I went to type in my Tucson zip code with my credit card it said, "not valid". No one told me the Post Office would be changing my address with everyone. Shouldn't there be some type of notice?? I mean, they even changed the address for my car insurance AND informed the state of Arizona that I am no longer a resident there, in turn, revoking my Arizona voting rights. Goodness! You know, anyone can go fill out a change of address form for anyone and just drop it in the mail. Highly illegal, but very very easy to do. Not so easy to do online, but easy to do if you get the paper copy and just drop it in the mail. How terrible is that? Something you think they would regulate just a little better. As long as I know your address and your first and last name, I can change all your address information-and in turn-the post office will change all your address information for all your banks, credit cards, car insurance, voter rights, any other important stuff that you have coming to your current address.
Wow, scary.

The part that really sucks is that I still don't have a permanent address. I've been moving around a lot, and don't know exactly where I will settle down. Using my parent's address is out of the question because I refuse to claim that I still live with them: I'm an independent woman.
Today I logged onto the USPS web site to see about changing everything to a P.O. box, however, in order to open a P.O. box, you need to have an address. UGH! In order to get a place to live, you need to have a previous address, in order to get a job you need to have an address. What about people who are like me? New location every 3-6 months? What the heck are we suppose to do? It just seems a little messed up. As if you are not a USA citizen unless you have some sort of permanent residence.
Jen's address: HER CAR!
You know what my next big goal is? Get a house. Something to call my own. I'm sick of moving my stuff from place to place and never having a place to call "home". Apartments suck. I want a house.

Are You My Friend?

I rarely get onto my Myspace (compared with how often I check Facebook) but I do know how many friends I have, last I checked I had 51, I checked today and I have 50. So I scrolled through the people who are on there to try and figure out who dropped me, but couldn't. Currently I have 696 friends on Facebook, but there are a few I have never met, some I have met only once or twice, several I knew pretty well at some point because we worked for the same company or went to school together (most college, some high school, and even fewer, jr high). However, out of all these "friends" very few are actually what I would consider true friends.

What is a friend?

Is a friend someone you can call up and chat with?
Help you out with whatever? Whenever?
Someone who goes out of their way to do you a favor?
Someone who recognises when it's your special day (and not just a Facebook message because they just so happened to notice in the little box on the lower right hand corner of their homepage that it was your birthday) but rather, someone who goes out of their way to make it your special day regardless of what you may or may not have done for them for theirs?
Comes over in a heartbeat with a box of tissues, a chick-flick, red vines, and a warmly scented candle after your heart was just broken?
Knows most all your secrets and keeps them secret?
Will listen to all your problems without rolling their eyes?
Gets up at 1am in the morning (no questions asked) and drives half-way to phoenix from Tucson(even though they have work at 4am) for much needed comfort for running your car off the road into a guardrail?
Sends you random cards/letters/post cards/gifts?
Calls you just to say hi?
Uses you when it's convenient?
Lets you crash on their couch/floor/or whatever space you have available because they'd rather stay with a friend than in some over priced, lonely motel room?
Spends time with you just because they enjoy you?
And how often should these thing be done? Once? twice? Continuously?

Under these conditions, I would say I MIGHT have 5 friends, maybe less. OR are these the only conditions we consider a "best friend"?

What is Facebook or Myspace really for then? To check up on people, stalk them a little so maybe you don't really have to call them and "waist time" talking when you can figure out what's going on in a few clicks on pics and and once over their "wall" and "about me" profile?
Do we use it to compare one another? To see who's better off/doing well? Jealous? Or, to just stay in the loop? Who's with who? Who's still available? Did you see the latest....?? Gossip gossip gossip. MORE GOSSIP.
To stay in contact?
BUT for what reason??

Do we really need all these friends we claim to have? How many of them are really there for the enhancement of our own lives? Or do we remain friends with them because we think we are enhancing their lives? OR do we remain friends because "we might need them someday"? But what if that "someday" comes and they can't be counted on?

In short, I'm sure my life would go on and be just fine without half the "friends" I have in it. In fact, I'm tempted to do what so many already have and "lose" all my numbers. AND THEN if someone calls me, contacts me because they want to talk to me for me, then maybe that person is my friend. hummmm.... but that would be giving up a sense of control.... but I'll save that topic for another blog.

OH! And feel free to comment. You don't have to publish your name or sign up for anything, but I would love to read some of your thoughts---if anyone reads this.

Hot and Cold

We are free to change our mind however many times we want and whenever we want.

I'm pretty sure I was born NOT to live in cold weather. I run from it. However, there are times I love it. I'm sure if I had to, I cold live in cold weather, but I prefer not to.
There are those who would not live in hot weather, but if they had to, I'm sure they could.
"you get used to it" people say.
I need lots of sun. Helps me to stay happy.

I think we have too many options in this world, making it hard to make "good" decisions.
What is right or wrong and who determines it?
The infamous "them" and "they"
Lets vote on it. Who votes? Do you think therefore you vote? Or did you remember to write that down? Is your opinion a vote? oh, I know, lets just all get together and complain and then leave all that legal stuff up to someone else. Someone else will take care of it, right? I mean, there are so many people, someone has to feel strongly enough to do something, right?

POWER

I like when things are clean, orderly and put into place. It gives me a sense of accomplishment and helps me to feel more in control, which, in turn, makes me feel more powerful.

Everyone seems to get their sense of power from something. Rarely is it just there. We aren't born with feeling powerful. But what makes each individual person feel powerful? It seems as though it is slighly different for everyone. Finding my source of power is the key to unlocking my potential.

books

I'm a sucker for books. I LOVE BOOKS!!! All kinds, shapes, sizes, textures, smells, genres... I also love quotes. One liners. Sometimes more then one line. There is something magical with words. As my mother has told me time and time again, physical pain can come and go, but the pain of words can last forever.
How is it that the pain of words last? Why not the joy of them too. Ya know, "I love you". Why does it seem like the words, "I hate you" or "I'm so disappointed in you" burn so much deeper?

I can get lost in a good book-even those books considered "dime novels" as one friend put it. Letting the story fold in front of my eyes as the way I want to hear it, see it, smell it. Something way more magical then watching a movie. I recently started listening to books on CD. A nicer way to pass the time while I drive all around. Better then listening to the same "top 40" songs, which always seems to sound like the same 10. However, I was sad to find that a book on tape was no where near as satisfying as actually reading a book. I found myself becoming critical of the reader-thinking thoughts such as "that didn't sound right, she should have used a softer tone, or she should have paused longer, yadda yadda yadda" and I found myself becoming annoyed my the reader's tone of voice. I like the sound of my own voice in my head. :)
BUT nonetheless, I would rather listen to a story be told to me then let my head wonder around all day--- too many wondering thoughts can lead to good or bad thoughts, however, more often then not, it's usually the neg thoughts that creep in.
I currently have a book on CD in my car, a book I've been reading for the past month, and another one I have just started. I also just got 5 new books in the mail and had a friend give me a book she was going to toss out.
Read, write, sleep, eat, play.

Dream.