update and work

Life is nothing if not lived, right?

I'm safe in Logan, once again. This time I don't plan on leaving. I visited Arizona for one of my best friend's wedding and one of my sister's wedding. I was suppose to be maid of honor in my sister's wedding, but she flipped and kicked me out two day before the wedding. In turn, I get to spend some quality time with my family. 

On to new beginnings! 

Update with me (for those that do not follow me on facebook):

I am still LDS (come on people, it's the true church!) 

I have been dating someone (Isaac) for almost two months now

Me and Isaac in front of the Salt Lake Temple


I plan to live in Logan until further notice

Fountain at Temple Square

I love working out here because I love the people and the weather

Currently my biggest struggle in life is just getting out the door and going to work. I love my friends and family, my health is good and everything is going great, but for some reason, I just have a hard time starting work and continuing to work. Discipline is a struggle. 

Solution? Well, there have been many things I have done to try and "solve" my issue, bottom line is I need to hold myself accountable, and my family is joining in to help me as well... meaning they support what I do 100%. It's great knowing that people believe in me and what I can do. It's like an ego boost. There are days when my confidence is low, these are the days when sleep is way more appealing, but knowing my family is counting on me to do what I say I am going to do, well, that means a lot more to me than my own self pity. 

I know I am good at what I do so long as I go to work, so what holds me back? Nothing. Now is my time to shine. I'm blogging about this for a reason as well. Someone once said, "when you write something down it give it more meaning." My work should be, and is, meaningful to me. When I am working consistantly I LOVE my job. I love the day-to-day interaction I have with people, the stories that are created, the lives that are changed because of what I do. I sell cancer insurance and other supplemental insurance through cold calling (knocking on doors) and referrals. Sure, I have bad days, but what job doesn't have bad days? I actually have a really cool job. However, because not everyone can see themselves doing what I do I often get, "I could never do that or wold never do that, how do you do it?" Simple, I love people, and people love me for what I do. 

Life is really simple if you just love a little bit more than the day before.

If you look at everyone like you love them, how different would the world look?

Eminem

As weird as this might sound, Marshall Mathers is like a hero to me. Rather, he is an inspiration. Do you really know this guy? . 

Let's get the obvious out of the way: He is very crude, ruthless, and has a potty mouth (and many other bad things, yes yes, I know).

BUT Look at what he has come through to get to where he is today. 

The very first time I heard him (not of him), but actually listened to the guy was at a Van's Warp Tour concert the summer going into my 8th grade year of school (I was 13 years old, 1998). I went my with my sister Heather, and it was either her or me that won the tickets from a radio station. I really wanted to go because Blink 182 was playing. I had no idea who the other bands were, except Dr. Dre, but I didn't really care for him at the time. Little did I know, that performing with Dr. Dre was Eminem. When this little white rapper stood up on stage, the crowd went crazy; screaming at him to get off the stage and booing at him. hahaha, I think I booed too, not even knowing what was going on. And yes, he ended up being taken off stage because everyone was getting so rowdy, and the crowd cheered

Bottom line reason I like Eminem: He doesn't give up!! There is a lot of "stuff" he's been through. From a bad upbringing, to many adversities and backlashing while making his albums. He just doesn't care what other people think of him. Now, I'm not saying everyone needs to go around acting like this kid, NO WAY. I take away three things:

#1 Don't give up no matter what

#2 Keep going regardless of what others might say or think

#3 Use what you've got to pull you to the top 

I love the song I've heard on the radio: "Airplanes" by B.O.B featuring Hayley Williams, and an added verse from Eminem. 

It talks about what life would have been like if these guys hadn't had dreams they acted on. It's great to have dreams, but what are dreams without action? Not just action, but persistence no matter what the adversity may be. 

These verses from the King James version of the bible explain that it is not enough to hope and dream for something, but you must prove that you believe strongly enough through your actions. It's not enough to just believe (or dream). 

James 2: 18, 20, 26

  18 Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works. 

      •  •  •

  20 But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

      •  •  •

  26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

Utah Love

It's only been two weeks, but I am absolutely falling in LOVE with Logan, UT/ Northern, UT. 

Seems everything happens for a reason, right? Right?

I feel like I am exactly where I am suppose to be.... still too soon to tell, but it doesn't look like I'll be making in back to Arizona any time soon (except to visit). Only time will tell. :)

Logan

Safe in Logan, Utah. 

So much rain!

Nice cool weather. 

:)

Looking forward to greatness. 

Gossip

Could you go just one day without gossiping or complaining? Half a day? Two days? A week? 

Survival of the fittest teaches us to gossip and complain. How can we know what is better or best if we have nothing to compare ourselves to? So we gossip and slander other people to prove that we are the best. We complain to let other's know how awful our situation is so they might either give us a helping hand, or feel sorry for us, accept us, sympathies, empathize, all so we might know we are "okay." 

Truly, our best source of reference is not the opinions or ears of our friends, but the scriptures. Why do we seek the approval of others? For the reasons I listed above. Since I've become a latter-day saint, I have found my scriptures to be a huge source of my strength. When I start to listen to other friends, especially those not of my faith, or even worse, those who were of my faith at one point but have chose to live alternative lives, my head starts to swarm with all sorts of bad feelings: jealousy, resentment, hurt, anger, confusion, bewilderment, hate. When I turn to my scriptures, I feel at peace, calm, tranquil, empowered, strong, confident, self assured. So why do we continue to turn to the opinions of others? The scriptures are designed to draw us closer to Heavenly Father, so I will let them. My source of happiness comes from above. :) 

Nothing is Better

Sometime it's better to do nothing than to do anything at all. You ever notice when you say something maybe you shouldn't have said, then try to correct yourself, you end up saying something worse instead? Ouch, it pretty much sucks, and we've all done it, right? 

This goes with relationships in life too. Some relationships are better left alone to fizzle out, or be done with completely. With internet, facebook, myspace, twitter, texting, voicemail, email, and on and on, it's hard to just leave things alone. 

Heavenly Father will forgive us if we ask Him, but will we forgive ourselves? 

It's can be hard to ask for forgiveness, even from our Heavenly Father, but sometimes it's even harder to ask it form someone else. Especially if that person would rather you never talk to them again, because either they don't care, or they are still very upset. With people that are upset, they eventually come around sooner or later. With people who just don't care, well, then it's no longer asking that person for forgiveness, but forgiving yourself. Accepting the situation for whatever it may be, and moving on. The more we push the situation, the worse it gets when someone would rather you drop the situation than bring it up again. 

I struggle with accepting things as they are. I feel as though I have the control to make things all better. Most often, I just need to make things okay with myself. To know not everyone is going to accept who I am or where I am coming from. Not everyone has to love me or even accept me. The only person that really needs to be okay with me, is me. I'm the only one who needs to be with myself day-in and day-out. So why should other's opinions of who we are or what we believe really matter? 

A reason for Everything

I am a believer that there really are not coincidences is life, that everything happens for a reason.

Last week, when I was baptized, I found out later that day my sister was pregnant, then two minutes later, that a family member and his wife died. Talk about heart breaking. One moment I am rejoicing for my sister, the next I was sitting in absolute shock. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was, "with two new lives, two are taken away." Then I thought, "well, it's a good thing we do baptisms for the dead."

When the reality hit me (about 30 minutes later) I cried my eyes out. Death just sucks.

Today, while getting out of my car to head into the gym, I got a text that one of my friends passed away from a car accident. With that one, I started to choke up instantly, and wanted to cry right then and there. I was in shock again. AGAIN!!! I was angry to say the least. Somehow I managed to get through the workout. (big groups of people help)

The second I got into my car the flood gaits opened and I started to sob. I screamed. Why?? She was so young, 27, just two years older than me, so full of life, so fun, such a wonderful person.

I called a couple friends. I freaked out. I'm suppose to be leaving in a week to go work in Logan, Utah. What if something happens? Is there anyone I have offended? Anyone that doesn't know how much I love them?

I'm glad I found the church when I did. All in God's perfect timing, right? I know there are those out there who are still weirded out that I converted to quickly, but when I good thing comes, it comes fast, and I don't want to let it go. With every passing day I learn more, I grow more and my love for the Lord deepens. This is what happiness is all about. Knowing who my maker is, knowing there is a plan, and I just have to follow that plan.

A peace comes with knowing that. Heartbreaks are inevitable. Just like the sun will rise, I'm sure God is not done testing me. However, there is a comfort knowing that it all comes from our Heavenly Father. That He is in control. As for my friend and family that have passed, it was just their time. They will be missed tons and tons, but then life still goes on. With people living and passed, it is never easy for me to say goodbye. Maybe it has something to do with coming from a broken home and having separation issues. Who knows, I just know I want to make sure I live my life to the fullest and leave no room for regrets. Even if there are those who might think I am weird or a little "off," I don't care, I'd rather say what needs to be said then to let words go unspoken.

Leeann and I in Cleveland, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. December 2009