Last week, when I was baptized, I found out later that day my sister was pregnant, then two minutes later, that a family member and his wife died. Talk about heart breaking. One moment I am rejoicing for my sister, the next I was sitting in absolute shock. One of the first thoughts that came to my mind was, "with two new lives, two are taken away." Then I thought, "well, it's a good thing we do baptisms for the dead."
When the reality hit me (about 30 minutes later) I cried my eyes out. Death just sucks.
Today, while getting out of my car to head into the gym, I got a text that one of my friends passed away from a car accident. With that one, I started to choke up instantly, and wanted to cry right then and there. I was in shock again. AGAIN!!! I was angry to say the least. Somehow I managed to get through the workout. (big groups of people help)
The second I got into my car the flood gaits opened and I started to sob. I screamed. Why?? She was so young, 27, just two years older than me, so full of life, so fun, such a wonderful person.
I called a couple friends. I freaked out. I'm suppose to be leaving in a week to go work in Logan, Utah. What if something happens? Is there anyone I have offended? Anyone that doesn't know how much I love them?
I'm glad I found the church when I did. All in God's perfect timing, right? I know there are those out there who are still weirded out that I converted to quickly, but when I good thing comes, it comes fast, and I don't want to let it go. With every passing day I learn more, I grow more and my love for the Lord deepens. This is what happiness is all about. Knowing who my maker is, knowing there is a plan, and I just have to follow that plan.
A peace comes with knowing that. Heartbreaks are inevitable. Just like the sun will rise, I'm sure God is not done testing me. However, there is a comfort knowing that it all comes from our Heavenly Father. That He is in control. As for my friend and family that have passed, it was just their time. They will be missed tons and tons, but then life still goes on. With people living and passed, it is never easy for me to say goodbye. Maybe it has something to do with coming from a broken home and having separation issues. Who knows, I just know I want to make sure I live my life to the fullest and leave no room for regrets. Even if there are those who might think I am weird or a little "off," I don't care, I'd rather say what needs to be said then to let words go unspoken.
Leeann and I in Cleveland, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. December 2009
Jen, congratulations on the growth you are making. Losing those close to us is always a challenge and the way you thought it all out is impressive. Remember there is opposition in all things. You saw that first hand; excitement in the baby announcement followed by the heartache of death. We will all miss Le Ann but her memory and that which she brought to our lives will always be remembered.
ReplyDeleteThe knowledge of the gospel brings a peace that cannot be described. Especially, the knowledge of the resurrection, that one day we will be reunited with those who have passed from this life. It also enables us to reach out and to bring greater comfort to those who do not understand why tragic events may occur. This life truly is a "bitter-sweet symphony" and every tear that has been shed because of pain and sadness will be replaced with a 100 tears of joy.
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