Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Different Journey

It's been a long while since I've posted anything on this blog. A LOT has changed. There are "people" who say "people don't change". People do change, but rarely do their personalities change.
For example, I am very strong willed, at times stubborn, empathetic, sympathetic, trusting yet skeptical, enduring, excited, lover of life, overthinking, run-on thoughts, talkative, thoughtful, lover of the arts, self-absorbed, giving, care to much what others think, .... I was going somewhere with this... forgetful. Seriously, I'll probably have complete memory loss by the times I'm 50.  It's as if I have so much running through my mind I get distracted by other thoughts that are more important than the ones I thought were important.

Isaac and I left the "Mormon Church". Shocking considering the level of conviction I portrayed in this blog. Those feelings and thoughts were very real at the time, and now I want to go and smack myself upside the head and say, "What were you thinking!". I am more careful what I tell people I believe or don't believe, but that doesn't mean I keep it all bottled up or that I'm ashamed of what I do believe.

Yes, I am what most would call "atheist". Which, I have learned is not someone who believes in "nothing", but rather, someone who does not believe in a theistic god. Sure, we all started out from something somewhere. I do not have the answer to where and what as I am sure many of you who are reading this think you do based off a book or personal experience. Maybe you are right, but maybe you're not. But I assure you I do believe in something, and that something is the HUMAN spirit. It has taken me a while to figure this out, maybe I'll hash that out in another blog.

Lets be real, these blogs are for me to run through my thoughts and maybe have you glean some sort of insight or open your mind a little into my brain's inner-workings. I have pissed people off with my words (unintentionally, I can tell you), so please, don't take any of my words as personal attacks.

My thoughts continue to develop as I get older. I find myself getting bitter towards those who are younger, yet seem to have it all figured out (as I once did). It's hard to not constantly compare myself to others. With that being said, I am very happy in my life right now. There are times I stress out, but I have taken steps to learn to better control my stress. I 100% believe in self improvement, and for each individual that journey is different. Setting goals makes me happy, and letting go of people's negative opinions is at the top of my "to-do" goals. Turning away from a church who's fellowship made me happy was one of the hardest things I've done (not the hardest, if you know me you know I've had many struggles). Being true to what I believe regardless of what others may think is the part of me I have stayed true to: being bold in the face of adversity.

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