"Adam"

http://festival.sundance.org/2009/film_events/films/adam

Is it a bad thing that I absolutely love and almost always prefer to watch movies alone? When watching a movie with someone else I feel the need to have some commentary, yet, I HATE it when someone else asks questions while the movie is going or adds in their own personal commentary. Plus, I'm free to cry and laugh whenever I want without having someone stare at me asking, "are you crying?"

"He's Just Not That Into You"

I could go on forever, but I'll try to keep this short. try




Got the book about 4 or 5 years ago (sophomore or junior year of college) and it really gave me a new incite. Too bad it lasted all of maybe a month, until another guy came along who completely blinded me. ... but for the most part the principles remain the same. Apparently most girls know when a guy isn't into them, well, for me, I'm a dreamer, so there are times when a guy is into me and I have no idea, OR (and this happens more then I'd like) I don't realize when a guy really isn't that into me.

Solution?

Get my heart off my sleeve and get real. When I'm really living my life, I have not time to contemplate if a guy likes me or not, I have too much going on. If for nothing else, college helped me to go through some pretty crummy guys, so, hopefully, I can be more alert.

Just finished the movie. I've been wanting to see it, but I've heard mixed reviews--- I believe these mixed reviews highly depend on the persons own love life and their experiences.

Guys are pretty easy to figure out (for the most part). I've learned a lot. And while there are exceptions, I'm sick of holding out for them. So what if I mess up along the way?? That's what's suppose to happen.

Long distance SUCKS. So why is it that they guys I fall for live so friggen far away???? There is more mystery to them. AND no real commitment for that matter. Do I fear commitment? No. But seems most guys I'm with do (or at least a commitment with me, lol).

It's actually funny to me. I know I'm pretty darn cute, athletic, and energetic---well, I'm marketable, lets put it that way---so it's not that I'm worried if guys will like me, that will happen when it happens. My biggest worry is when? When is it going to happen? And does it just "happen?"

The play "Waiting for Godot" by Beckett, has got to be one of my favs--- the moral, the point, the theme, whatever you want to call it is very clear

NO ONE IS COMING.




Sure I believe in God and all that jazz, that's not what I'm talking about. As far as me pinning away for that perfect someone, well, it's pretty much a waist of time.

I know I'm not meant to live out my existence alone. But I'm caring out my late grandmother's wishes, "have fun while you're young!" She would often say, "go out, play the field, you'll have plenty of time to get married and have kids". I'm in no rush, when it happens, it'll happen........................so true with many many many things in our life that aren't directly in our control.


I'm enough. :)

Live to Dream or Dream to Live?

Too much thinking and not enough "doing". If I did even half as much as I thought, I'm pretty sure this world would be turned up side down--- or at least my life would be. I have enough thoughts to fill more than one lifetime. How much time do we spend thinking? And where does all that thinking leave us?

Or lead us?

Yes, there is time for dreaming, when we are sleeping, but really, what's the point of dreaming in the day? Why?? I ask this question because I do waaaaayyy too much of it. So much that it effect my work. I think of what I'd like to have a lot, but even less time is spent taking the action needed to reach this dream.

My dreams are very realistic. But if I could live in my dream without the work-what a world that would be! So what's more important, the dream or the reality? Both require sacrifice.

I want to live my dreams. They are so wonderful, it would be great to actually feel, smell, touch, and taste them. Yum!

I begin to live my dream.

Where's the focus?

Focusing on the bad? That's too easy to do.

So a "friend" didn't call when she was in town, even after I asked. Lame. But really, why should I be bitter?

Focus on the good. Especially in these times, when all you have to do is drop in on any given conversation and you will hear so many bad things. Day in and day out I hear so many negative happenings with people, it goes with the job. It's pretty much my job to hear about negative thoughts. However, my job is also to help people. I'm trying more and more to fill myself with positive because day in and day out all I hear is negative. It's a constant battle.

I am so blessed.

Last week I went back to my old church down in Tucson. Man, it felt so good to be back. Been quite a while, over a couple years. I had forgotten a lot of people's names (about 500 members in the church), and some of them had forgotten mine, but a face you can't forget, and I was greeted with many many warm smiles. My little brother (who is 6) went with me. His first time every really being to church and Sunday school, boy, did he have a lot of questions, but it was so cute!

Even after hearing a rejuvenating sermon that Sunday, this week at work was my worst. I just finished up having my best week the week before, and this week was a complete flop. Every day I went out to work (door-to-door) but I found myself driving around most the day keeping myself busy with other things rather than talking to and helping people.

I finally read, "Who Moved My Cheese". That book really spoke to me and my situation. I've been fighting with myself this whole time. Trying to make the job something it isn't. I am grateful to have a job. A job where I make things happen and I am the only person responsible for my success. It's just so hard to focus on working all day, instead my mind wanders to all other places and things I could be doing, or want to be doing instead of work.

I'm 25, I don't deserve to have such a great job opportunity, and I find myself being overcome with guilt when I don't do my best. It's crazy to think of the possibilities that are out there if I just focus on helping one person at a time. Breaking down my day and having tunnel vision.

This week I'm going to work down in Bisbee, AZ. Knowing I only have this one week down there keeps me going. And really, how much time do any one of us have? Again, I can write all this down and believe and know what I should be doing, but it's one thing to talk the talk and another thing to walk the walk. (Matthew 21:28-30)

It's habit forming time and time for me to sniff out and find some cheese!

} catch(err) {}

right or wrong?

I'm curious, what causes rebellion? Why do people act out?
Why is that impulse so strong?
On the other hand, why do we do what we are "suppose to"? Not saying, lets all do bad things. But what makes us believe our parents have our best interest when they say, "no"?

I Work-why can't you?

I'm part of a wonderful company.
I'm excited for the opportunity.
I need to pass my licencing test before I can start, and I'm itching to start.


For some reason, this year has seemed very long. "They say" that when you have more going on, the year seems to go by faster, but for me, it seems as though it has been very long.
Maybe because I have done more than a person should be aloud to do within a year. I have traveled more and held different fulfilling jobs. I consider myself very fortunate to be able to determine my worth by my work effort.
Just this past week it really hit home with my how lucky I am. I am physically and mentally able to work, and I want to work. There is work out there if you are willing to sacrifice. and what a small sacrifice it is.
"There's no work" really only translates into, "there's no work I am willing to do for the sacrifice I might have to make." Might. No one really knows until they go out there and try it. Fear is between the ears.

I'm a fighter.

New and Old

New job. Old skills.
Nervous