What is Happiness?

I love learning and reading. It's no wonder I enjoy reading Psychology Today. There are always some awesome articles looking at life from different perspectives. I read an article the other day about being "normal" and what normal really means these days. Apparently, the people who think they might be crazy, usually are not, but the people who think they are normal, and usually the crazy ones... weird, right? 

Well, the article I have read more recently was titled, "The Pursuit of Happiness" (not the same as the book or movie). It dissected what happiness is and how to obtain happiness. As I read, I highlighted a few key points that seemed to jump out at me, and I reflected how that part pertains to, or could help in my personal life.

-"American tent to grab at superficial quick fixes such as extravagant purchases and fatty foods to subdue any negative feelings that overcome us... but they leave is poorer, physically unhealthy, and generally more miserable in the long run-and lacking in the real skills to get us out of our rut."

This may be the reason every summer I would go out and sell books door-to-door, I would gain weight. albeit only about 5-10lbs, but for someone as tiny as me, that's a lot. I found myself not working out (no time) and instead, filling myself will yummy treats every time I heard "no", which, in my line of work, is very often. 

What is happiness?

"It encompasses living a meaningful life, utilizing your gifts and your time, living with thought and purpose."

"It involves a willingness to learn and stretch and grow, which sometimes involves discomfort. It requires acting on life, not merely taking it in."

Looking back, I was most happy when I was very involved and spread thin. Starting with being in all accelerated classes from elementary- high school, and being involved with every club. Then in college, I would feel happy when I felt as though I was doing what I was suppose to do... completing a task on time, working or working out. In the summers, I felt my best just knowing I was putting in the work stats, even if the sales didn't come right away (and that might have been, at times, when I had the most discomfort, although, the most joy). 

Some of the headings for understanding happiness are:

 "Some People are Born Happy"
(Well, if you're not one of them, it's okay, happiness just comes to you differently)

"Getting What You Want Doesn't Bring Lasting Happiness"
(soon, you will want something else, or, if you can't get what you want you will soon learn to adapt and not want that thing any longer, or settle for something will less value)

"Pain is a Part of Happiness"

      "Happiness would be meaningless if not for sadness: Without the contrast of darkness, there is no light."

"Happiness Lies in the Chase"

     "...easy pleasures will never light us up the way mastering a new skill or building something from scratch will. And it's not crossing the finish line that is more rewarding; it's anticipating achieving your goal. ...working hard toward a goal, and making progress to the point of expecting a goal to be realized, doesn't just activate positive feelings-it also suppresses negative emotions such as fear and depression."

(It's no wonder Southwestern's model for success is so successful is followed. The model has us focus not on sales, but rather on working enough hours and seeing enough people in one day. Anyone can see 30 people in a single day, and if the goal is reached, the happiness will come, and the sales will follow.)

"Yes, Money Buys Happiness-At Least Some Money and Some Happiness"

(Money only makes us happy to the point our needs our met/live comfortably, then we tend to settle for whatever we can get... giving away money does make us happy, so if we gave away our "excess" money, then yes, we would have more happiness)

"Happiness is Relative"

"Options Make Us Miserable"

    "the paradox of choices, facing many possibilities leaves us stressed out-and less satisfied with whatever we do decide. Having too many choices keeps us wondering about all the opportunities missed."

(This is the complex I have been struggling with my entire life. I hate making decisions, because I always wonder if the decision I made was the right one, and is there a better decision I could have made? There is always better, and there is always worse. Currently I struggle with where to work. I am in the wonderful state of Utah, and even more wonderful town of Logan. To work in the city of Logan is great, too many people to see, so it always keeps be busy, but people are not as receptive as to doo-to-door solicitation as say, oh, people in the county would be. However, people in the country are far away, which cost more gas, and they are more spread out, making it harder to see as many people as I need to see in a day. I look at the good and bad in every situation, bottom line is that I just need to make a decision, and stick with it no matter what. In the Southwestern days we would call this “Marring our territory”. For better or for worse, it’s our territory so we might as well make the best of it. Also, I have “too much time”. In the summer I worried that I only had 11 weeks to hit my goal… well, there’s not that kind of pressure with this job, however, I need to make sales to pay my bills.)

“Happiness is Other People”

    “Good relationships are buffers against the damaging effects of all of life’s inevitable letdowns and setbacks.”

 (good people are good to have in our lives)

“Do Your Happiness Homework”

       “Becoming happier takes work, but it may be the most rewarding and fun work you’ll ever do.”

(Like reflecting in your journal all the things you are happy about, or just thinking happy thoughts; let’s fly!)

“You’re Wrong About What Will Make You Happy and You’re Wrong About What Made You Happy”

    “Things are almost never as bad-or as good- as we expect them to be.”

     “…forgo your own mental projections…”

 (too many times, I think, “nothing get’s better than this!” then it does, or, “It can’t get worse than this.” But it can. There are days when I don’t want to go to work because all I can think about is the rejection part of my job, and how the day might be a complete waist. But once I get started with work, I feel good about myself and what I am doing, and before I know it, I have a family protected and money in my bank account. Too many times I think I have the power to see into the future, and based on my prediction, that’s usually how things turn out. Ya know, the self-fulfilling prophecy. If I could turn my brain off, I just might be the happiest person on the planet.)

“Happiness Is Embracing Your Natural Coping Style”

           “The one-size-fits-all approach to managing emotional life is misguided.”

    (This one I love! Too often in my job I am told to set high goals, because that’s what’s going to push me. NOT TRUE!! If I don’t hit those super high goals I get down on myself and feel even worse, even if the number I did hit was pretty good. Or sometimes, I don’t try for anything. I think the goal is so out of reach, it’s not even worth my time to try it. So instead, I set a goal I know I can reach, so I have something I can work towards and feel good about when that goal is reached.)

“Happiness is Living Your Values”

      “If you aren’t living according to your values, you won’t be happy, no matter how much you are achieving.”

Happiness is different for each person. This article has at least helped me put into perspective some of the things that have been lacking in my life to reach my full happiness potential.

update and work

Life is nothing if not lived, right?

I'm safe in Logan, once again. This time I don't plan on leaving. I visited Arizona for one of my best friend's wedding and one of my sister's wedding. I was suppose to be maid of honor in my sister's wedding, but she flipped and kicked me out two day before the wedding. In turn, I get to spend some quality time with my family. 

On to new beginnings! 

Update with me (for those that do not follow me on facebook):

I am still LDS (come on people, it's the true church!) 

I have been dating someone (Isaac) for almost two months now

Me and Isaac in front of the Salt Lake Temple


I plan to live in Logan until further notice

Fountain at Temple Square

I love working out here because I love the people and the weather

Currently my biggest struggle in life is just getting out the door and going to work. I love my friends and family, my health is good and everything is going great, but for some reason, I just have a hard time starting work and continuing to work. Discipline is a struggle. 

Solution? Well, there have been many things I have done to try and "solve" my issue, bottom line is I need to hold myself accountable, and my family is joining in to help me as well... meaning they support what I do 100%. It's great knowing that people believe in me and what I can do. It's like an ego boost. There are days when my confidence is low, these are the days when sleep is way more appealing, but knowing my family is counting on me to do what I say I am going to do, well, that means a lot more to me than my own self pity. 

I know I am good at what I do so long as I go to work, so what holds me back? Nothing. Now is my time to shine. I'm blogging about this for a reason as well. Someone once said, "when you write something down it give it more meaning." My work should be, and is, meaningful to me. When I am working consistantly I LOVE my job. I love the day-to-day interaction I have with people, the stories that are created, the lives that are changed because of what I do. I sell cancer insurance and other supplemental insurance through cold calling (knocking on doors) and referrals. Sure, I have bad days, but what job doesn't have bad days? I actually have a really cool job. However, because not everyone can see themselves doing what I do I often get, "I could never do that or wold never do that, how do you do it?" Simple, I love people, and people love me for what I do. 

Life is really simple if you just love a little bit more than the day before.

If you look at everyone like you love them, how different would the world look?

Eminem

As weird as this might sound, Marshall Mathers is like a hero to me. Rather, he is an inspiration. Do you really know this guy? . 

Let's get the obvious out of the way: He is very crude, ruthless, and has a potty mouth (and many other bad things, yes yes, I know).

BUT Look at what he has come through to get to where he is today. 

The very first time I heard him (not of him), but actually listened to the guy was at a Van's Warp Tour concert the summer going into my 8th grade year of school (I was 13 years old, 1998). I went my with my sister Heather, and it was either her or me that won the tickets from a radio station. I really wanted to go because Blink 182 was playing. I had no idea who the other bands were, except Dr. Dre, but I didn't really care for him at the time. Little did I know, that performing with Dr. Dre was Eminem. When this little white rapper stood up on stage, the crowd went crazy; screaming at him to get off the stage and booing at him. hahaha, I think I booed too, not even knowing what was going on. And yes, he ended up being taken off stage because everyone was getting so rowdy, and the crowd cheered

Bottom line reason I like Eminem: He doesn't give up!! There is a lot of "stuff" he's been through. From a bad upbringing, to many adversities and backlashing while making his albums. He just doesn't care what other people think of him. Now, I'm not saying everyone needs to go around acting like this kid, NO WAY. I take away three things:

#1 Don't give up no matter what

#2 Keep going regardless of what others might say or think

#3 Use what you've got to pull you to the top 

I love the song I've heard on the radio: "Airplanes" by B.O.B featuring Hayley Williams, and an added verse from Eminem. 

It talks about what life would have been like if these guys hadn't had dreams they acted on. It's great to have dreams, but what are dreams without action? Not just action, but persistence no matter what the adversity may be. 

These verses from the King James version of the bible explain that it is not enough to hope and dream for something, but you must prove that you believe strongly enough through your actions. It's not enough to just believe (or dream). 

James 2: 18, 20, 26

  18 Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works. 

      •  •  •

  20 But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?

      •  •  •

  26 For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

Utah Love

It's only been two weeks, but I am absolutely falling in LOVE with Logan, UT/ Northern, UT. 

Seems everything happens for a reason, right? Right?

I feel like I am exactly where I am suppose to be.... still too soon to tell, but it doesn't look like I'll be making in back to Arizona any time soon (except to visit). Only time will tell. :)

Logan

Safe in Logan, Utah. 

So much rain!

Nice cool weather. 

:)

Looking forward to greatness. 

Gossip

Could you go just one day without gossiping or complaining? Half a day? Two days? A week? 

Survival of the fittest teaches us to gossip and complain. How can we know what is better or best if we have nothing to compare ourselves to? So we gossip and slander other people to prove that we are the best. We complain to let other's know how awful our situation is so they might either give us a helping hand, or feel sorry for us, accept us, sympathies, empathize, all so we might know we are "okay." 

Truly, our best source of reference is not the opinions or ears of our friends, but the scriptures. Why do we seek the approval of others? For the reasons I listed above. Since I've become a latter-day saint, I have found my scriptures to be a huge source of my strength. When I start to listen to other friends, especially those not of my faith, or even worse, those who were of my faith at one point but have chose to live alternative lives, my head starts to swarm with all sorts of bad feelings: jealousy, resentment, hurt, anger, confusion, bewilderment, hate. When I turn to my scriptures, I feel at peace, calm, tranquil, empowered, strong, confident, self assured. So why do we continue to turn to the opinions of others? The scriptures are designed to draw us closer to Heavenly Father, so I will let them. My source of happiness comes from above. :) 

Nothing is Better

Sometime it's better to do nothing than to do anything at all. You ever notice when you say something maybe you shouldn't have said, then try to correct yourself, you end up saying something worse instead? Ouch, it pretty much sucks, and we've all done it, right? 

This goes with relationships in life too. Some relationships are better left alone to fizzle out, or be done with completely. With internet, facebook, myspace, twitter, texting, voicemail, email, and on and on, it's hard to just leave things alone. 

Heavenly Father will forgive us if we ask Him, but will we forgive ourselves? 

It's can be hard to ask for forgiveness, even from our Heavenly Father, but sometimes it's even harder to ask it form someone else. Especially if that person would rather you never talk to them again, because either they don't care, or they are still very upset. With people that are upset, they eventually come around sooner or later. With people who just don't care, well, then it's no longer asking that person for forgiveness, but forgiving yourself. Accepting the situation for whatever it may be, and moving on. The more we push the situation, the worse it gets when someone would rather you drop the situation than bring it up again. 

I struggle with accepting things as they are. I feel as though I have the control to make things all better. Most often, I just need to make things okay with myself. To know not everyone is going to accept who I am or where I am coming from. Not everyone has to love me or even accept me. The only person that really needs to be okay with me, is me. I'm the only one who needs to be with myself day-in and day-out. So why should other's opinions of who we are or what we believe really matter?