Saturday, May 15 at 3pm 2010 was my baptism into
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Confirmed Sunday, May 16th 2010
If you don't want to read the entire conversion story I give you the summary here:
I came to know the Lord on my own. Went to a non-denominational Christian church for a few years in college. Fell away from the church. Graduated. Traveled for a bit, came back to Tucson, went back to the same church. Met a Mormon gal (about the same age) and asked her a lot of questions about the church. A couple months passed, I started dating an ex Mormon (inactive member/Jack Mormon/whatever). We dated for a few weeks, and I fell for him pretty hard. He broke up with me claiming that in order for him to go back to the Mormon church, he cannot be dating anyone. My suspicions arose. I chose to investigate the church. Through the help of a very active member, I got several questions answered. Went so far as to have the missionaries come out and talk to me. Through meeting with them over the past 3 weeks, I have come to know the truth. The true Church of Jesus Christ of these latter-days. Yes, there are those who question if I am doing this for a guy, and I can give a you a very firm, NO! . I absolutely need a strong man of God, one who has an unwavering solid foundation. I have faith that man is out there for me. I am beaming and as one church member told me today, "I have a glow about me."
Either you accept my decision, or you do not. This is who I am and what I believe. Thank you to all of those who have supported me through this whole journey. Thank you to those who continue to support me. My family AND friends.
***Warning, this is LONG, and I'm not the best writer. I am sure there are lots and lots of errors. But, if you would like to know my story, please enjoy.***
*I use the term "Mormon" to refer to members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
Background:
My first experience with a Mormon was sometime in Jr High. My grandmother had just passed away my 7th grade year from cancer, and about a year later my grandfather married a Mormon woman, Sharron. I remember my mother being upset that he would not only marry so quickly, but that he would denounce his Catholic faith and become Mormon. I understood nothing about the Mormon religion, just that Sharron was of that believe, and according to my mom, she was bad.
One of my first dates was with a Mormon boy, Alan (although, I didn't know that's what he was at the time, and even if I did know, I still didn't know what they believed). Alan, I remember always opened the door, and held it for me. He used manners. There was something different and oh so sweet about him.
I didn't grow up with any particular religion. My mother was raised Catholic and my father, Southern Baptist. Us kids were not raised into any belief. We celebrated Christmas and I knew that to be because of the birth of Jesus, but I didn't really know who Jesus was. I also knew the bible was very holy, and not to be used as a jumping ramp for my brothers cars.
I remember being cast in a play with a community theater group called, Theater Works, in The Best Christmas Pagent Ever. The director at one point was trying to have me deliver a line in a certain way and he said, "you know the Chirstmas story right?" I nodded my head even though I had no clue what he was talking about. He continued, "well, that's what this is about, the birth of Jesus." Then it clicked with me. I have no idea what Christmas is truly about. I knew some guy we celebrate Christmas for was born December 25th, that he was God's son, and he eventually was nailed on a cross. What all that meant though, I had no idea. Completely clueless.
It wasn't until my 7th grade year, spending time at church with my best friend Carol, that I learned the story. But even then, it was a little fuzzy. My mom bought me a bible just like the one Carol had, for my 8th grade graduation present. It was all I asked for, and I'm sure all my mom could afford. It was a teen study bible. Not really knowing the difference between the old the new testament, I thought it would be best to just begin at the beginning. I was a very avid reader, and well, it just made sense. However, I found this very boring and only got through part of Leviticus.
High School went by, I don't think I went to church but maybe once on Easter with my aunt. I was pretty sure God hated me because of all the crummy things that were happening to me. Having to move out of my house when I was 16 because I had an unstable mother. Feeling like I was forced into staying in a relationship because I needed his help with survival. But, I still believed there was a God, and for some reason, I believed the bible was real; it was the truth.
My theater teacher was Mormon, and was almost like a mother to me. Very loving, warm, and full of light, and at times, kinda crazy. I knew of a few other Mormons that went to my high school. All of them seemed like the nicest, sweetest, coolest, and one of them, the funniest, kids I knew.
College years came and so did many many heart aches.
I joined a church my sophomore year and fell in love with it. I think I fell more in love with the sense of feeling like I belonged somewhere. I loved that they had a band on stage, and that I could lift my hands and shout out loud.
However, after a while, I felt as though I was only attending church for the people there, and not because I was living the life God would want me to live. Even though I was baptized and professed to give my whole life to the Lord, I really didn't. I still went out to parties, drank a lot, and hooked up with boys. There was no dating in my church, so I felt like I needed an outlet outside of church. There was always a party, and since I loved people, thats where I mostly ended up. Even though there was a point I was very involved with the church, I was still leading a double life. So, for many different reasons, good and bad, I stopped attending.
The Story
Back in November, 2009, I joined a sister company of the one I had interned for all through college. I'm pretty much self employed however, because I work off 100% commission selling supplemental insurance. Like I did with my internship, I chose to run my business by cold calling (aka, door-to-door). About this time, two other people had joined the company, a father, Chuck and his daughter, Chelsey. I found out in December while we were all on a business trip, that they were of the Mormon faith. I thought that was kinda cool and that they would do well (at least Chuck) because he had knocked on doors before. I overheard Chelsey talking to someone about her faith, and I thought to myself, "ugh, I don't want to hear this, Mormons believe in some weird stuff." Even though I knew little to nothing about the Mormon faith, I knew I didn't like it, because they went against what I believed-such as adding to the bible.
January
On another business trip, I find myself sharing a hotel room with Chelsey. I figured they paired us together because we were the religious ones. I had started going back to my college church because that is where I felt I belonged (it had been over two years since regularly attending church). Or maybe they paired us together because we are about the same age. It didn't matter why, I thought Chelsey was an awesome chick, and maybe we'd motivate each other to work hard.
One night after working, for some reason or another, not even sure how we got on the topic, but I turned to Chelsey and asked, "So, I was wondering, I don't know what Mormons really believe. Like, do you guys believe in Jesus?" She just smiled this huge smile and said, "well, we are The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints." Still puzzled for a second, I cocked my head sideways, squinted, then, "ohhhhhhh, LDS, I get it, hahaha." Needless to say, I felt kinda silly. Then began a whole list of question after questions. Chelsey would answer the best she knew how, but then say, "the elders could explain this better then I could." And I asked, "Why?" And she explained, "they are trained to answer these questions better." I still couldn't really understand why should couldn't if she grew up in the church.
Over the next couple nights we had some discussions about Joseph Smith, the golden plates and how they were taken up to heaven, and how Jesus showed himself to the people of America. We talked a little about families forever, the three degrees of heaven, and why the temple is so sacred. And free agency was explained to me, how God really is a masterful planner, and if we are made in the likeness of him, wouldn't we have a heavenly mother as well? I loved the way Chelsey explained the nature of the Holy Spirit, protective garments, and the reverence feeling she gets from church (as opposed to the the hooping, hollering, hands raised and passing out, even though, she pointed out, that works for some people and good for them). Even the gift of tongues made sense. Instead of the gibberish talk, it was the gift of being able to pick up a different language quickly, and she gave stories of her husband and her dad doing just that for their missions.
Never once did she imply her church was the best or the only true church out there. She never told me I should check it out (at least I don't remember if she did). In fact, I'm pretty sure I probably indicated to her that I wasn't really interested in becoming Mormon, but I was somewhat interested in learning about it. Secretly though, it did make more sense to me than my church who didn't even believe in dating.
Another month went by and I talked with Chuck on the next business trip, he let me know Chelsey, with a baby due and all, was looking for a more stable income for her family, so she most likely wouldn't be working with us anymore. But I was glad to see Chuck there. Whenever he was around a felt at peace. I looked to him as I would my own father (he is after all about the same age as my dad).
Another month went by (brings us to March). I was feeling very strongly about wanting to date. Knowing my church didn't allow it, and not knowing who to talk to in the church, I joined an online dating site. It was lame. A couple days latter, another gal who works with the same company I do, invited me out do go to the clubs with her roommates and a couple other friends. That was the second time I had been out since the new year. The first time was with my gay friend Sean, and that was just to one very chill bar, so, not sure that counts. I was super excited, especially since I knew her roommates were both guys, single, and around my age. However, I wasn't hoping for much, because when I asked if her roommates were attractive, she scrunched her nose. She went onto explain that she didn't see them like that, that they were more like brothers because she's seen all the bad sides of them.
After meeting the 3 guys who were going out with us that night (all single) I found them all to be good looking guys. After a few drinks at a club, I found one of the guys to be more attractive than the others. We clicked and seemed to have a lot in common.
Needless to say, I found out this boy was Mormon, but not practicing (obviously). We hooked up that night and our relationship progressed quickly. He explained he didn't want to date around, he wanted something serious. Somewhat shocked, but flattered, I agreed I was in the same thought as he. Asking if he could call me his girlfriend (after knowing him 3 days) I said, yes. I liked it. I didn't like that I was still going to a church that didn't allow me to date, so I couldn't tell anyone. I felt like there was two of me. He knew I went to church "things" 2-3 times a week, and I did enjoy feeling like I was part of a group, however, I didn't actually have any friends in the church. Weird. While dating this Ex-Mormon, I began to question what it would be like if we got serious (we were already sleeping together, I really liked him after only a few days, and after a couple weeks I was head over heels). So, naturally, I started thinking like any woman would: would this man be a good family man? Could I see myself with him forever? Raising a family? BUT what church would we go to???? I thought, well, since he doesn't like his church, I'm not too fond of mine, maybe we can find a church we both like. So I prayed to God, "If this is the man I am suppose to be with, then so be it, but if not, please take him away from me quickly because I am falling for him hard and the longer I'm with him, the harder the break-up is going to be if we are not suppose to be together." Shortly after that prayer I felt a disconnect with the guy I was dating. And a week and a half later, he broke up with me. Just like that. We hadn't fought or had a disagreement, nothing that I could tell was pointing to a break-up other than he was growing distant (from wanting to talk and hang out every single day, to standing me up for breakfast). He explained to me (and I paraphrase) I was just about everything he ever wanted in a girl. That if he could make a list of everything, I was it.
Now, I'm wondering why he wants to end things. He continues on saying that he sees how happy I am with my church, how involved I am, and he wants that back in his life. So, he wants to go back to the Mormon church, but in order to get back in, he can't date anyone.
Thinking he might want to check out a different church, I invite him to attend church with me, he says no, his last girlfriend invited him to her church, and he wasn't having it either.
ooooook, soooo?? He tells me that if we were to continue, end up raising kids together, they would go to church with mom, and wonder why dad is going to a different church. So I ask him, "Why don't you invite me to church?" he says, "You shouldn't do that for me, that should be something you discover for yourself."
I continue to ask questions. He gives me an example that it took him a year to be sealed to his wife (now ex-wife because he says she cheated on him and left him). He wasn't a "good Mormon" and since he and his wife had messed around, they had to wait a year and go through all this "stuff". He then went onto tell me it was just, "complicated".
hummmm, sounds sweet enough? I'm somewhat flattered if I inspired this change in him for the better. However, some things just don't seem right about this. After all, if he really did think he had the perfect woman, wouldn't he do any and everything to keep her??
He tops it off with, "I know it's probably not possible, and I shouldn't even ask, but I would like it if we could be friends." I recalled to him the times he told me of the ex's that would call him and the phone calls that he would ignore from them because he insisted it was impossible to be friends with an ex. I said, "so, are you going to ignore my calls?" his response, "no."
We met for lunch a day latter to get "closure". I had questions I wanted to ask, number one being, "So, if I turned Mormon, would you be with me?" But I think I knew that answer to that. And at that point, I still wasn't sure what they believed, but I knew it would be wrong to convert for someone else. There were a million other things I wanted to say, but just didn't know how. Questions to ask, but I knew what answer I would get, "It's complicated". So I left him with tear filled eyes, letting him know I still cared a lot about him, that it was going to be hard for me not to want to call him, but I will leave it up to him if he wants to hang out with me. He left me saying, "well, we can still hang out ya know, like go to the movies." I'm pretty sure he just said that to help me feel better.
It was Monday, I was on a business trip again, and I was really hoping Chuck was going to be there, but I had a feeling he wouldn't be. He wasn't. So, I got his number from another co-worker, and on my way out to work I gave him a call. I told him I had questions for him, about the church (the Mormon church). I explained about being dumped. Chuck, so cute and funny, asked me several questions about the situation, the guys rank in the church, then came to conclude that something didn't seem right to him either. My stomach sank. I cried my eyes out, but I was still hopeful that they may have just been something I missed. I barraged him with question after question, and like his daughter Chelsey, his explanations were beautiful. But, like his daughter, he told me, "the missionaries could explain it better than I could." I then stated, "but Chuck, you were a missionary." And he pointed out that his was in Japan, so it was a little different, plus, it was such a long time ago. He went on to tell me how the missionaries are trained to take me through teachings and lessons at my pace, and and guide me along. Still puzzled, I said, "well, why can't you do that for me? I don't want to convert, I just want to know." I told him I found a Mormon site (mormon.org) that has a link to the book, and asked if the answers were in there. I also mentioned I wanted a physical book for myself, but the web site stated that it doesn't mail out copies, so how was I to get one? Chuck explained the missionaries bring it out to me. I thought about this.
My head hurt, my heart hurt. I felt incredibly sad and hurt. I didn't want to work. I wasn't about to give up my bible and my faith for a man, even if this man seemed near perfect in every way. But I wanted to know the truth.
Chuck went on to tell me that the missionaries are specifically there to answer my questions like this. So, I can meet with them as much or as little as I wanted.
I sighed.
Then Chuck said, "what's your address?" He had already explained to me how to go online and request a copy of The Book of Mormon (after I asked him). At this point it was a matter of having me make a decision. I gave him my address. Oh God, I hope this is alright, I thought.
I did feel worlds better after talking with Chuck.
Later that day I got a text from my ex's roommate (my co-worker/friend) saying she is sorry about the break-up, but hopes we all remain friends so we can go and hang out together. Thinking she has probably just heard this from him, and that he might be standing there, I waited to text her back.
The next day I text her asking her what his excuse was for breaking up with me, she responded saying he said he just didn't feel a "spark". So, to clarify, I tried to get a hold of him, he called back once (a few days later) I missed the call, and after that he just ignored my calls. (and I was not excessive about it, although, I probably never should have called/text in the first place) I started to figure out more questions I wanted to ask him, I still felt like there was something missing. I didn't want it to be goodbye forever. I wanted to know there was hope to be back with him. I wanted him to say he told his roommate something different because he was embarrassed to tell her the truth. And if he was embarrassed, then how sincere could he really be about getting back into the church?
It was extremely hard to work that week. I got a call from a sister missionary. Girls!! I was super excited to know that I would have girls visiting me. They invited me to church with them that Sunday, I told them I would have to get back them on that one. I was still not sure about going to their church, I just wanted some questions answered. Calling the Missionaries Saturday night, I decided the best way to find out was to go head on, so I told them would attend that Sunday. Come to find out, they were asked to serve at the Gila Valley Temple that was having it's open house, so they would be passing on their missionary work to the male Elders of the church. bumber, I thought, but I already said I would go 9am, Sunday. They guys would be calling me that night. I got a call that night confirming 9am tomorrow morning they would meet me out front, great! I got a call the next morning at 8:30am, turns out they told me the wrong Ward, my service would actually be at 12:30pm and different missionaries would be giving me a call..... hummm, oooook. I got a call from the other male missionaries. They explained they would be there at about 12:25 because they were coming from another meeting, but would have someone there to meet me. who?
Great! I thought, that means I can go to my church still.
So I went to my church. Can't remember what they talked about. I went to the Mormon church and was greeted my Sister Ray. What a beam of light. I remember the church being noisy. Babies crying, some people chatting, all while the guy up front kept talking away about activities, camping trips, and "sustaining" members. We sung songs out of hymn books. I hadn't seen one of those since I went to church with my dad back in 1991(ish). Seemed very old school style to me. I knew how to read music at one point, did choir for four years and band for eight, but not good at caring a tune unless it's plucked out on the piano for me. They passed the sacrament (why was it not called communion?). I didn't take it because I had just taken communion that morning at my church. Some people got up and talked and cried. I wans't sure what the tears were for, or even what she was talking about, there were too many babies crying and kids everywhere. Distractions.
Another meeting. Class. Learned about Gospel principles, seemed friendly enough. Nothing too weird there.
Relief society. I was amazed at the women in the room. Only women, filled up just about every chair. I remember the person who gave the talk was a doctor of some sort. A convert. How strong she was, and how firm she was that what she was speaking was the absolute truth. wow, a doctor believes this stuff?
More songs. Meeting done.
Wow, I just spent 5 hours in church.
I met with the Elders. I told them I really just wanted a book, so they gave me one. I didn't go into why I decided to meet with them, that it was a little complicated. I told them I had a lot of questions. We set up a time to meet that Tuesday.
Tuesday, the Elders were 2 minutes late. I had prepared my roommates. I told them, yes, because of my ex I am looking into the church, but NOT because I want to get back with him (even though I'm pretty sure I still had hope at this point), but because I wanted my questions answered. I couldn't ask for better roommates. They were all cool with it.
There were three guys there to meet with me. wow, guess I needed a whole team of them.
We got to know each other a little. I found out there is a singles ward. Oh? you mean no crying babies!!! However, I would have to have different missionaries. NO WAY! First off, I was sick of being passed around, second, what if my ex was telling the truth? I certainly didn't want to run into him. I stuck with the Campbell ward. We started off with a prayer. They gave me a pamphlet and began to teach. I think I told them a little about my ex and why I wanted them there. I had no intention of converting, I just want to know about the church and all the "secrets" and why everything has to be so "complicated". They challenged me to keep an open heart and to at least read and pray about it. Fine. I've always been a pretty open minded person, why not? I'm a smart girl, I wasn't going to fall for their bag of tricks. We set up a time to meet again.
I told a few friends about what I was doing. They ALL caution and warn me. "It's a doctrine, they'll indoctrinate you!" "Just beware!" "If they say this, do that, yadda yadda yadda, run!" "I just want you to be careful."
I had been doing a lot of reading online from the Mormon site, I decide to find "the dirt". I dug up every single anti-mormon site I could find and pour into them. I was unsatisfied. I didn't find anything bad enough on these sites. Just bitter people who don't really want to give their life to the Lord. Or people who never thought for themselves in the first place and just blamed the church for their problems. A bunch of people trying to disprove the Book of Mormon, but nothing bad about what Mormons teach or what comes out of the book. Some stories of "bad Mormons", but I figure every religion has some bad apples. Just look at the Catholic church.
The days went on. I met with the missionaries almost every day anywhere from 10min to an hour or more. At one point I told them, "look, you guys are very nice, but there is about a 10% chance I'll convert. I enjoy all the lessons and learning, but I'm not converting." One of the missionaries, Elder Kane, looked me in the eye and explained that is perfectly fine, "Even if you don't convert, thats okay, because through this experience," he promised, "you will grow closer to God." With that, my heart warmed. I was invited to a baptism Saturday afternoon. I went to "check it out". It seemed like a very special experience. Much better than the way I was baptized, (is someone's back yard in a jacuzzi, while there were guest of who I didn't know, there for a different get together, but NOT MY baptism.
I went to both churches again. Didn't take the sacrament, namely because I was afraid of offending someone (especially God) since I was unsure of what their reasoning was for taking it (and not calling it communion). It was fast Sunday. None of the people that went up and spoke, seemed to affect me one way or another. Gospel Principles again, learned something new and informative about the church order and structure. Modern day profit? Did I actually believe that's true?? Relief society was good. Can't remember the lesson, but I remember liking it.
I continue to meet with the elders all week. So far, everyone I'd met in the church was super nice. I was even invited over for dinner that Sunday night to the Ray's house. I met Fabio then too. I had a million question and one of the elders just kept pulling out pamphlets. Where is the offering plate? (Tithing and Fast offerings pamphlet) What about tea and coffee is so bad? (Words of Wisdom pamphlet). I laughed, "You have a pamphlet for everything, don't you?" (they do)
That week we went over just about every pamphlet they had, (6 in total), and they gave me a Gospel Principles book (which answers a lot too). I read and read and read and read and read. And asked TONS of questions.
At that point, I'd made communication with my ex once, to get back my shirt. I confronted him about why he felt the need to lie to me. He said he didn't want to tell his roommate the truth because she would just rag on him. and the ignoring my phone calls/text? He just didn't feel like talking. Big surprise, just like a typical guy, saying one thing but doing another. I wanted to believe that he told me the truth, that he really is wanting to change his life for the better, but I got this feeling that something still isn't right with him. I came to realize, through finding out more about the church and talking with his roommate, he has a lot of his own demons he needs to battle with. So, it's better off that we are not together.
One day that second week of meeting (even though it felt like the third week), I met the missionaries at the church. It was just going to be a short meeting outside, but there were other people at the church so we got to go in. Two of the people there were the mission presidents (kinda a big deal I guess). The Elders invited Sister Walker to join us, she sat in the back because she was anticipating having to leave early. Our talk was on tithing and fast offerings. At one point the elders invited her to sit closer. At some point during our discussion it switched to talking about the Holy Spirit being present in the house of God. I had mentioned that church I was going to met in a school auditorium. Somehow Sister Walker went on this long poetic talk about the house of God and His temples and His plan for us and how she knows the church to be true and shared a very heart felt warming testimony with me. Elder Kane asked if I would give the closing prayer, and asked if we could do it on our knees. well this is different, but okay. During my prayer I started to tear up, not even really sure why. Sister Walker pointed out that is the spirit within us. That explained a lot for me, and why I always saw so many people crying in the church. I was just filled with a warmth and relief. This Church is exactly what I have always wanted. But I still had hesitation: did I actually believe the Book of Mormon to be true, or was I just in love with the people and this church?
I came to realize that I've never read the entire Holy bible, only bit and peaces, yet, I some how have always accepted that to the word of God. How? Why? Reading from the book of Mormon, Alma 32:21-43, and several other pages from the new and old testament, I came to know the truth. I was reading the New Testament from the beginning before I met with the missionaries, but as I started to meet with them, I jumped to the story of Job in the Old Testament. Not because they instructed me, but because I wanted to read an Old Testament story. After reading Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, I found myself growing closer to Jesus, and even crying over his sacrifice. While I was reading Job, I couldn't help but think of how strong he was, but how he's only human himself, and how he too has had thoughts like mine (or rather I've had thoughts like his). As I read the book of Mormon and the story of Nephi building a boat and his brothers laughing at him, I found myself relating. The Book of Mormon and the Holy Bible spoke to me the same. Now my heart was being torn. If I believe the Holy Bible to be true then the Book of Mormon has to be true. However, if I reject one, then I have to reject the other. They both words of God. Why not have a living profit today? Why is that sooooo crazy? If we had them waaaaay back then, why not today??
wow, not sure if this is true, I didn't have some little holy ghost whispering in my ear "this is true".
I met with the elders Friday night. I met Katie (the other half of Fabio). Her light was so bright! Such a wonderful, pure, happy, joyful, honest person. Her testimony was so convicting, so strong, I just wanted to hug her. We talked about the Law of Chastity. Perfect!! This has been one of my biggest struggles growing closer to God. I've said time and time again, "that's the last time I do that! I'm waiting 'till I get married!" But every time I slip up, however, every time it's because I've been drinking... ah ha! Again, the spirit felt strong.
Elder Kane informed me, that in order to be baptized, that I cannot be living with a male. are you calling my roommate Chuey a male?? He's like a brother! Plus, I'm moving to Utah a couple weeks after the set baptism date, I'm not, I mean, ewe, it's Chuey! Wait, does this even matter? I mean, it's not like I believe this, right? So, what's all entailed with this baptism thing? Do I have to repent to someone? cuz I feel pretty crummy about some things I've done.
Elder Karlson let me read the questions asked during the baptism interview. Elder Kane announced, "we can set that appointment for you." I respond, "umm, not yet. I'm still not sure if this is all true, sorry."
Saturday: me and the elders met for lunch at Katie and Fabio's place. We had another lesson.
Saturday night: Stake Meeting. Chloe got up and told her testimony. I was pretty sure there was some kind of trickery going on because her words, her story, her testimony spoke right to me. She's a recent convert. Lots and lots of opposition. Pretty sure she went to the same church I used to go to. She went through everything I was going through, but spread out over a few years time.
It hit me. I don't want to wait years to know the truth.
After the meeting I had a familiar face come up to me. Hey, I know this girl from college theater, what's her name??
She introduces herself, Sasha and asks if I've always been LDS. nooooo, just checking it out.
She tells me her conversion story.
Wow, how cool.
Later, the elders meet with me. They let me know they talked with the mission president, and no exceptions can be made, in order to be baptized, I would have to move out.
Wait, what??? So, now, even if I wanted to be baptized, I can't? I'm not moving somewhere for a few weeks only to move again. Besides, who would I live with.
Elder Karlson: "your sister?"
I thought about that too, but no way, she has people staying with her over these next few weeks, and she athiest and doesn't support what I'm doing at all. All my other friends have no room or are member of my other church.
Well, looks like there is just prayer now.
I prayed to God on my way home. Let me think, who? Then I thought, well, do I actually believe this is true? Maybe this was the sign I needed that it's not true. Maybe he's telling me something. Maybe I have to wait till I get to Logan, UT. BUT I really want to be baptized here, with these elders! with the people I have come to know! Okay God, if it's your will, it will be done.
I got to my sister's that night (house-sitting, she was out of town). The elders had challenged me to give thanks to God next time I prayed and not ask him for anything. So, I got down on my knees, and prayed. Starting off with : thank you for my life, your mercy on me and your son to forgive my sins. From there the floodgates opened. I poured out everything I was grateful for, and just started crying, then sobbing... on and on I went. After I was done, I wrote down everything I could remember. When I was done I snuggled up with my bible, the mormon bible, my journal and pen (it's been my nightly ritual since I've been meeting with the missionaries). I lied down to do some more reading and investigating. For some reason I grew really tired. I read one little passage, and didn't want to read anymore. Do I have to read this entire book to know this is true?? When do I get a whisper??
Quietly, I gave up. it's true
It's all true God. I don't want to deny you anything, it' true, it's true, it's true.
If this is going to work out, Lord, it's because you are in control. I'm done stressing and worrying. You are 100% in control. I trust that you will take care of me. My life is in your hands.
With that, I fell asleep.
The next day was the the rest of the Stake meeting.
The talks were on temples and families. I found myself growing fond of this idea of temples.
That afternoon I had a meeting with the Elders at 3pm.
Brother Olson invited a girl over from the singles ward to talk to me about the singles ward (since I'd been attending only the family ward).
The elders played for me a video.
http://www.youtube.com/mormonmessages?v=CkKblIMfmjI The video made my conviction grow more. After Elder Kane re-told the story of Joseph Smith when he was a boy and what he saw. When Elder Kane was done speaking he gave me a minute, and asked me how I felt and what was on my mind. I told him how I felt last night, and what went through my head from the time he told me I had to move to be baptized, all the way through falling asleep.
So...
(pause)
Jessica, the girl who was there from the singles ward turns to me and says, "I heard you say you needed a place to stay? well, if you want, one of my roommates is moving out on the 15th because she's getting married, and the next roommate isn't moving in until the 1st. You're welcome to come stay with us."
My face went blank. WHAT?!?!
I blinked, slowly looked around, back at her, "are you sure??"
Jess, "of course! we would love to have you. I just have to check with my roommates I'm sure it wont be a problem, in fact, my roommate Sasha was a theater major at one point too."
no way! Not the same Sasha from last night that I met after the meeting, no way! holy cow!
At this point, I have a weird half smile, almost disbelief look on my face. I look at the elders, and brother Olson. Brother Olson throws up his hands in defence, saying, "I had no idea, I just invited her over right after the meeting today."
I smile big. "Of course! When can I move in?" We start talking logistics.
:)
Since then I've told several people and realized how much support I have, through believers and non-believers.
Day of my baptism: Ian and his wife, Alan (boy from beginning of story) and his wife, Kim Easton (theater teacher), Me in the middle. All Came down from Phoenix within only a weeks notice, just for my baptism, wow, it was a shock to me because I have not seen my friends since high school.
Every day I find myself learning more and growing closer to Heavenly Father.
There are people who will find out through my blog (if they even get this far) and some I have yet to tell. For some, I feel I need to share with them personally. But if they read it here first, then so be it.
My Testimony
I am firm. I am convicted. I know Jesus died for my sins. I know this is the true Church of Jesus Christ re-established on the earth in these latter-days. That we having a living prophet today, Thomas S. Monson. And I take great comfort in knowing there is a great plan of salvation for me. That I can be sealed to my family forever. I know Heavenly Father has a great plan for me, and He has brought me this far. He will never leave me. I don't know why I am where I am today, why it came about this way, but I am sure glad it has.
I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
Elder Kane, Katie, Me, and Elder Karlson.
Leeann and I in Cleveland, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. December 2009
